Tuesday, September 27, 2005


IMBB - Vegan Edition - Carrot Cashew-Cream Pasta

I put a lot of thought into Sassy Sam's IMBB "Trick Someone Into Eating Vegan" and have decided it affords me the perfect opportunity to give up this charade I have been perpetuating and come clean.

You see kids, I'm not really a cute girl who lives in LA, I'm not really a chef, and I don't ever, ever eat meat. It's all been an elaborate (and super time consuming) hoax that I am giving up just for this post. That photo over the the right though? That's no hoax. It's an ad from The Chicago Diner, a super sassy vegan restaurant!

I'm actually a 48 year-old man named Crispy, and I am incarcerated in a large and overcrowded prison in Oklahoma, for the crime of splattering livestock with turquoise dye from a 10-gauge paint-ball gun while erratically driving a stolen pick up truck wacked out of my gourd on sinus medication and super-sour grape jell-o shots. Shocked? Its true! (Or is it?) The photos you see every day I found on the prison library computer after the wardens wife downloaded them from her start up catering business as part of a failed vocational program from a few years back. The rest is a mixture of too-much-free-time-fantasy and meticulous research (relying heavily on old copies of InStyle magazine and the Martha Stewart website) during my quiet study hour (as permitted by the freedom of edu-mah-cation act of 1999.)

So for the next 43 months I will be here (have been for the last 21) in my tightly controlled world, subsisting on prison slop and dreaming about the day I will be set free and can pick up on my crusade to ruin all the living leather in a thousand mile radius (I sure hope the parole board isn't reading this!) and to preach the gospel of veganism, the purest form of economic anarchy I can think of. (Other than taking yourself off the grid)

Now, to set you on your way to a vitamin B-12 free existance, here's a recipe for Pasta with Carrot-Cashew Cream, that takes about 15 minutes to make and is a creamy vibrant delight. Try it, and enjoy! (Oh, and since I 'm not on KP I wasn't able to trick anyone into eating this. Besides, tricking people in the hoosegow is a sure way to get cut with a shiv, and I'm trying to avoid that)

1 pound whole wheat pasta, cooked
6 medium carrots, peeled and chopped
1/2 cup cashews
1 clove garlic
2 tablespoons orange zest
1/2 small onion, minced
2 tablespoons finely minced lemon-thyme
black pepper

In a large pot just cover the carrots and garlic with salted water. Bring to a boil, cover and cook for 6 minutes (You can be making the pasta while you do this too.) then add the cashews and continue to cook until the carrots are completely soft. (About six more minutes, depending on how thin your slices are)

Reserving 1/2 cup of the water, drain the carrots and puree in a blender (with the cashews and garlic.) Season to taste. Mix the carrot cream with the pasta and top with grated orange zest, onion, lemon-thyme, salt, pepper and a sprinkling of paprika. Serve immediately.

Makes enough for four people

Additions: Cubed tofu, shredded carrots, chopped black olives, minced ginger, red bell pepper or toasted cashews, minced parsley, diced dried apricot or stir-fried seitan.

Tagged with: +


I really just wanted to use the word hoosegow in a post. Plus, I don't have much of anything to say about veganism that I figure the rest of the people taking part in this won't have said already. All that and I wanted to make you laugh. Did you laugh? Huh? Didja?

Places to eat vegan in Los Angeles: California Vegan, Real Food Daily, Inn of the Seventh Ray, Solar Harvest, A Votre Sante, Manis Bakery, Native Foods, Urth Cafe, Vegan Glory, Newsroom Cafe, and um, you know, a lot of Asian restaurants. Of those, I really like Native Foods, Urth and Newsroom. I also think A Votre Sante and California Vegan are pretty good too, but I rarely go. Inn of the Seventh Ray is only worth it for the location, Everything at Manis tastes like lead to me, Real Food Daily has a weird vibe and I have never tried Vegan Glory (but I like the name!) or Solar Harvest.

From Harpers Magazine/Findings Sept. 2005: A physicist calculated that mass worldwide conversion to a vegetarian diet would do more to slow global warming than cutting back on oil and gas use.

Tiffany was vegan once, but the girl can't live without chicken soup. Could someone please send her man, DK a recipe for some?

Are you taking part in The (Second) Really Big Cook-Off? Post your entry before Friday!


that looks and sounds yummy - my non-cooking vegan sister will be so pleased I ahve a new recipe to try out on her (though will use kamut pasta as she is allergic to wheat, too)
Hey - 'Crispy' the Carrot Man.
Did you know that Marmite contains a lot of Vitamin B12???

your entry cracked me up.

Of course its a good source of B12, but you'd have to eat the stuff to GET to it. ;-)
i used to eat at newsroom all the time, the one on wilshire in santa monica. They make great veggie burgers. I also loved a votre sante. God, I miss california.
That sounds so good! Definetely bookmarking this one- thanks for sharing the recipe :-)
Wow, this was SO good. I added some tempeh and it was a meal! The "butter" tasted kind of like sweet potatoes-it's a great dish to serve in the fall.
All I can say is WOW! This tastes like heaven
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